Friday

My brain is full, it's going to explode
There's a lot to take in, an overload.
Words and words just pour out of you
If only they were followed with action too.

Untruths, Scramble, Hurt, Deceit
Your words and promises list like a receipt.

You made me feel worthy, said all the right things
Excitedly plan time away, to live like kings.
And of course those plans soon disappeared
Quicker than even I had first feared.

I should have known, trusted my gut
Though my heart took over, avoiding the 'but'.
I wanted to believe you, the 'you and me'
But it was just a mere wild fantasy.

Then came the first cancelled plan
Releasing those worms from the can.
Double booked, forgot, not feeling it
How did I think we could possibly fit?!

And yet I, again, ignored my intuition
Trusted your plans would come into fruition.
But they never did, you didn't follow through
And I was left unwanted, discarded by you.

So now I'm having to start all over again
Pick myself up, unscramble my brain.
Patch up my heart, convince myself it's not me
Just another man with no accountability.

Sunday


It feels like the universe is throwing all the obstacles at me lately.

I find myself constantly saying things like "I'll come out stronger in the end" or "these things are here to challenge us" or "this too shall pass".

But what if they don't.

Saturday

It's been a long while since I last wrote here.
Reading back upon the posts from last Summer touched a nerve. It hit me straight in the chest. My mind wondering whether things would be different today if things went in a different direction then.
But.
I cannot think of the what ifs, as I ride this stormy rollercoaster of real high highs and real low lows. Because today is where I am. And the days are long and the evenings are lonely. And the struggle is a mountain I am climbing.
But.
After the steep becomes the ease, the gentle stroll down or perhaps even a soft floaty parachute ride.

Things will be good again.